I think it’s finally time to return to writing. A lot has happened over the past few months, more than I can possibly start to describe. I guess things had to get harder before they got better. I didn’t think it could get worse than watching your baby struggle in a hospital bed covered in tubes and wires, but there’s so much I didn’t know back then. Despite Lila’s success, things continued to pile up in my world. I was obsessive over her feedings and weight gain. No, REALLY obsessive. My happiness was non-existent and the smallest things seemed to be so incredibly difficult. I wasn’t nice to the people who love me the most and for that, I’m so very sorry. I wasn’t taking time for myself and never really acknowledged all that I’ve been through.
I’ve been hard at work trying to pull myself together over the last couple of months. There’s a lot that I’m not ready to talk about, but I’m happy to say that things are getting much better. I have a wonderful therapist who’s helping me and most important, amazingly supportive family and friends. I have been taking some time off of work to focus solely on my health and care for Lila. I’ve stripped away all of the extras in my life — I call it: “Mission Back to Basics.” Things are a lot brighter in my life, but there’s still a lot of work to do. I’m starting to add back normal things and am hopeful for the future. One day at a time, that’s all I can do.
Lila is doing AWESOME. We are seeing occupational therapy once a week to work on her feeding issues and will see a private physical therapist starting next week. She has made a lot of progress. She drinks her bottles awake and feedings are no longer fraught with tears and anxiety. We started her on solids a few weeks ago and she really enjoys eating. There are still a few challenges, but she’s come so far and we definitely have reason to celebrate.
The best news is that Lila is a happy and content baby. SOOOOO happy! She smiles at everyone and has stolen the hearts of many. Her personality has really come through the past couple of weeks and she is a darling charmer. I am so proud of her. I don’t know what the future holds for Lila, but I do know that she has the personality to get her whatever she wants in life. Her smile alone will take her far.
I hope I can find the strength, energy and time to update you on a more regular basis. No promises, but I have good intentions. Thank you for hanging in there with me.