I’m happy to report that Lila has had a couple of very good days! They are weaning her oxygen and ventilation pressure, and she seems to be handling it well. They will continue to wean slowly as long as she lets them. And she’s peeing and pooping like a champ! I never thought I’d be so happy to see poopy diapers. Her bilirubin levels are much better and hopefully she’ll be out from under the lights in the next day or two. Then she can take her glasses off, so we can see her eyes!
We’ve seen her eyes a few times — AMAZING feeling to see her open them and look at us.
Lila lost a lot of weight, which was a good thing, because she had gained about a pound of fluid weight. Poor little thing was so bloated. Once her kidneys started working better and she was able to urinate well, she lost all that fluid. She looks like a completely different baby. Now she’s gaining weight again and is 3 lbs. 11 oz., just 2 oz. shy of her birth weight. She’s also tolerating her Mommy’s breast milk well and they’ve increased her feedings quite a bit. She should start gaining weight no problem now! The ability to feed her my milk is very important to me. I was worried I wouldn’t get milk or it would take a long time to come in, because she was 9 weeks early and my body wouldn’t be ready. But pumping is going well and I’m getting more than enough milk to keep her fed.
Here’s another photo to tide you over until I can get a bunch up. I just about died when the nurse put that little pink bow in her hair. Have you ever seen anything cuter? Can’t believe she’s ours.
Life “on the outside” has been weird, difficult, nice. There have been so many changes over the past few months and especially the last week. It’s a lot to take in. The three months I missed never really set in while I was in bed, but now that I can walk outside and smell the fresh FALL air, it’s amazing to me. How did I ever stay in bed for that long? I don’t know. The thought of it now that I’m in my own bed and can come and go as I please is frightening.
I’m feeling very overwhelmed. I know that it will get better with time, but things are difficult right now. I’m so thrilled she is here and doing as well as she’s doing, but it’s tough to be without her. I can’t be the mommy I always envisioned in myself and that’s hard. But we will get there and she’ll be home before I know it. She’s a fighter. Yesterday, the doctor said, “She was very well nourished,” and that made my day. I worked so hard to keep her inside those 13 weeks.
It’s hard to stay away from the hospital, but I know I need to take some time to recover. I’ve been seeing her at least twice-a-day for a few hours at a time. I’ve probably been on my feet more than I should be, so I need to take it easy and get better. I’m still very sore from the surgery and I tire easily when I’m on my feet. Speaking of feet, mine are gigantic! I’ve never had swollen ankles, legs or feet, but I do now. Boy, do I ever! Looks like I have footballs for feet. Thank God my Mom is here to help us get things back in order. She’s cooking us meals, cleaning the house and saying all the right things when I’m having one of those days. I can’t wait until I’m feeling good enough to cook again and start getting the house ready for Lila to come home. We don’t know when that will be. Lila is in charge, but if history is any indication of the future, then she’ll be home early.