Baby Tjader's Journey

A life undefined by pPROM, prematurity and Cerebral Palsy.

Day 86: An end in sight September 8, 2010

Filed under: pPROM — Aimee @ 11:16 pm

This morning started with a lot of happiness, followed by a lot of stress. So now I’m trying to de-stress with a bag of Twizzlers. Ha! The happiness came in the form of learning that my c-section has been scheduled for Oct. 4! And my favorite doctor, Dr. Wagner, will be doing the delivery. He also said, “I think you’ll make it [to 34 weeks].”

Once I had a moment to myself I went into mommy mode and started making a list of all the things I need to do/try to figure out before this little gal gets here. Obviously I can’t do much, but there is a lot I can do. I finished the baby registry at Target and Babies “R” Us, wrote a list of questions I have for the doctors (been here six-plus weeks, hardly have had a question, but I do now!), put my hospital bills on HOLD until I’m discharged, read the chapters on breastfeeding in my premie book, researched the difference between stitches and staples in a cesarean delivery (still don’t know which way to go), and did A LOT of thinking.

Those are things that I have control of, but there’s so much that will be out of my hands in just a few short weeks … 26 days, but who’s counting?! I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about the surgery. Until my water broke, I’d never spent a night in the hospital. I’ve never had surgery unless you count a few stitches from cracking my head open in church and in Pizza Hut when I was a kid. I’ve never sprained anything or broken any bones. I’ve been pretty damn lucky.

But mostly, I’m worried about the baby and how her lungs will function. I need to get back in the game and focus on a positive outcome, so I’m going to ask the therapists to work with me on some guided imagery. Instead of imagining the operation room scene and the horrors we potentially face, I need to divert the focus to a more positive place. When I find myself thinking of that scene, I will purposely imagine the moment I get to hold my baby for the first time; the day we get to take her home; and her first trip to Bemidji. If I keep myself busy, I think I can keep the anxiety at bay so that this baby gets the very best of me these last few weeks.

With that said, before I sign off, I want to share a page from a book I got on premies. I actually copied the picture from a fellow pPROM mom’s Facebook page. This is not to be a downer, but to remind everyone that even if she makes it to 34 weeks, she could be in for the fight of her life. Or, she could be just fine. There’s just no way to tell. So no matter your beliefs, we ask you to pray, hope or imagine for Baby Girl Tjader to have functioning lungs. And until we know for sure, we’re just going to assume she’s absolutely perfect.


3 Responses to “Day 86: An end in sight”

  1. Mary Jo Says:

    I think about you every single day! I love your pictures and your growing baby and all your posts! I’m so happy to see 30 weeks and going strong! I’m your cheerleader and following this journey of yours with my heart. My prayers to God include this
    ” Heavenly Father….please hear my prayer… have angels on earth that need your hand, Aimee, Tyler and their beautiful baby girl, please give them holy strength, strength to endure, and strength to live. Breathe your breath of life in her womb and give this baby girl the life you envisioned in her creation. If thoughts and prayers can heal, your community of beleivers holds our hearts and souls together strong begging you to exist in their situation with all your might! I pray that you will prove your presence in her mind during these last few weeks and that Aimee will find peace in trusting your will, your love, and your presence. That she trusts that your heavenly son is holding her hand and crying with her during these trying moments, but that she can trust He is holding her baby girls hand the tightest and is with her during her fight….He is there! Protect her, strengthen her, and give her peace, patience and reassurance! Until next time…Amen”

    C-sections….well, although I was a butt dart about them, but let me give you some positivity about them:) You will heal relatively quicker than you are told or think. Make sure, even if it hurts, after that you walk, walk, walk. The more you move the quicker you will heal! The room is bright and a little scary, but knowing you’re going to meet your baby trumps all other feelings…’ll be focused on that and not focused on the cut, the surgery or what’s really happening. You wont feel anything when it happend, but some pressure when the baby is removed. You will feel her come out, and you’ll feel your womb empty. When you hear that first cry (AND YOU WILL HEAR THAT FIRST CRY!!!)….your heart will pound out of your chest and you will cry with the most intense cry you have ever felt….you will be nervous, and scared, and releived, but most of all you will feel joy. When they bring her to you, whisper in her ear that Mommy’s right there, and she will stop crying, she will know you in a way only a mothers knows her child and a child knows her mother. In that moment, you will know what YOUR mom felt that day you were born. No words will give it justice to it’s miraculousness.

    You are truly one amazing women and will give birth to one amazing little girl! You are both fighters!!

    Did you find the right stroller for you?

  2. BJ Says:

    I wouldn’t be doing my brotherly duty if I didn’t remind you of one more “stitches” indcident….you fell standing on the edge of the bathtub and needed stitches then too!

  3. Jessica Says:

    What a good post, you know get to move towards “baby coming home preparation”, what a milestone! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I can comment on the c-section. It was different than I expected, much calmer (even with the fact I was having excruciating contractions & it was unplanned). They wheeled me into the OR & it was VERY bright & many people in there, that was the scariest part (I’d never been in the OR before). But then they assigned a nurse to me that came & held my hand & talked very calmly to me and told me to ask any questions at any time and she said she’d be right there the whole time. And she was! She told me step by step what was happening the whole time & stayed very positive about me getting to meet my baby (even though she knew what we were up against). Mike got to come in the room once I was all prepped & the nurse talked with him& answered his questions along the way. Once the surgery started, I was very calm (probably from the epidural) and that nurse just kept letting me know what was going on & talking about my baby. It really wasn’t scary, like I thought it would be.

    The part that stinks is the recovery afterwards. Thankfully the nurses make you get up, walk, & shower the next morning (that was the scary part for me b/c I was afraid of tearing anything AND b/c I wasn’t hardly allowed to walk & get out of bed for months before, that was a BIG adjustment). But they do it so you recover well & the pain meds are fabulous. Advice many people told me was, don’t get behind on the pain meds, it’s much worse to try to catch up to relieve the pain than it is to maintain it. Once you get used to people now forcing you to get up & walk (really, it is weird b/c for months you told yourself to do just the opposite) you will realize recovery from a c-section takes time, so don’t overdo it too soon. But, you probably won’t listen to that last sentence too much b/c you’ll be racing down to NICU to see your beautiful little girl & get wonderful updates from the docs on how well she is doing!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Try to keep imagining the best, prepare mentally for the ups & downs that are sure to come with 3.5 more weeks of bedrest & NICU time, but take comfort in knowing you have done everything you possibly can for your little girl & I am she will be a fighter just like her mom !!!

    Now get back to updating your registries, you have lots of preparing for her to do! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thinking of you & cheering you on,
    Jessica G

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