Twenty-five weeks! Every new week is a gift and reason to celebrate. To treat it as such, I reigned in the day with a cupcake first thing this morning. Not in the literal sense — more in the weird dream that I’ve been analyzing all day sense. Let me explain.
In my dream this morning, I was treating everyone around me horribly. I was out of the hospital and I don’t know whether I’d had the baby or not, but I was bitter and keeping all of my emotions bottled up. Suddenly I’m on a road trip with my Mom and my Auntie, and we stop at a little restaurant/shop. Mom orders regular-size cupcakes for everyone, but orders me a miniature one. I was upset about this. I go off to look at a section of the store that has clothes and items for women who don’t ever want to be pregnant again. While browsing through the selection, I overhear Mom telling Auntie about what I’d been through. I broke down and started to bawl. I woke up myself and Tyler crying hysterically.
I think there’s a few things to take away from that dream. I either REALLY want a cupcake, or I have anxiety about having a premature baby. “Everyone else gets a big cupcake, why don’t I?” Second, the dream was the first time I’ve cried in awhile. Maybe my mind is instinctively telling me I need to do a better job of really feeling what I’m going through. Something to sleep on…
It was really a good day spent with T. We took a nap together, ate three meals together and he’ll be back tonight to sleep. My favorite doctor came in this morning — by the way, he wears a bow-tie — and said he couldn’t be happier about how things are going. Baby T continues to get an A+ on each non-stress test and I continue to feel my little sweet pea move all the time.
I don’t want to give myself false hope, because I know exactly what we’re up against, but I need these little milestones and positive signs to get me from one week to the next. Cheers to 25 weeks!